Saturday, January 15, 2011

the.rebel.rapper.raps

I'm sure you guys thought I was kidding when I said I was gonna drop my number one hit single titled, "My #1 Hit Single". Well, there you have it. In stereo. The latest and most anticipated hit track. I'm so excited about it, you guys have no idea! This track is on every known deejay's rotation! You better listen and tell your friends to tell their friends about it. This is the next big thing to hit the Ghana music scene. Play it in your cars, on your computers, walkmans, iPads, iPods, iPhones, Blackberry, whatever man!!! Just be sure to pump up the volume.

http://soundcloud.com/rebelryter/my-1-hit-single-yeah-man

There's no doubt in my mind that you've enjoyed this piece of art immensely. It took no more than an hour to put this together, thanks to my able producer, Paapa (Skillions). The greatest producer ever known to man!

If you see me on the streets, don't be shy to say hi. I'm a humble super star :-P.

I love y'all.

Peace.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

the.rebel.rapper.reloaded.

In view of the latest trend in hiphop and hiplife and all that, as of today, I have decided to revive my rapping career. Yes, yes, yes, many of you don't know that I used to be a rapper. Back in the day my stage name was wyzerymez and boy did I kill it. I was one of the best female rappers in my town. For real, for real, I was a damn good lyricist. I still am. Now it seems anyone who can hold a microphone by the neck calls themselves rappers. I'm here to change all that.

Now I am reinventing and relaunching my career as a rapper. My stage name shall be the rebel rapper. One that will rebel against all other forms of music in Ghana. Genre of music, rebel-life...or reb-life? Better still Hop-life music. Yea, that sounds right. Hop-life music it is. Introducing the Originator, the Grandmama, the Founder and CEO of Hop-life music....Yeah mehn. While y'all are fighting over who started hip-life and all that, Imma just start my own.

[caption id="" align="aligncenter" width="480" caption="All I Need Is One Mic"]All I Need Is One Mic[/caption]

Be warned, I shall soon quit my day time job and start this 'rapperdelic'  lifestyle real soon that will ensure that I become famous in a matter of days, appear on Music Music and it's cousin Sounds Splash, get signed by some telecom giant in Ghana and start my own Facebook Fan Page. I knew it was only a matter of time before my talent was recognized and now, my dear people, is the time!!!

This means a total wardrobe change, change in walk and of talk.  In fact looking back, I should have quit school way back when I discovered this talent. If I'd quit school and stayed in the studio where all rappers live, I'd be one of the largest illest rappers in the game by now. But its never too late. In the 90's we didn't have MTV Base or any of those things to promote Ghanaian artists such as myself. But now there's Facebook, Twitter, Youtube and so many more. That's the reason why I believe that this is the right time to relaunch my career. In this present climate, if you're a woman and you can do something small like the men do, just play the women empowerment card and that right there, is your claim to fame. Soon I'll be doing songs sponsored by the UN, NATO, NADMO, MOWAC, Zoom Lion, Talibans and all dem dems.

[caption id="" align="alignleft" width="236" caption="That's What I'm Talking 'Bout!!!"]That's What I'm Talking 'Bout!!![/caption]

You see, I've been watching this game from the sidelines for a decade and a half now and I've mastered my game plan. For my single, I go sample some foreign beat (hopefully I'll remember to give them credit and pay royalties), I'll beg Wanlov to cough on the beat for me, then I'll get Apietus to mumble incoherently for my chorus and finally I'll find PSquare or some other well known Nigerian artist to feature on the track. And that right there my dear people is now you make an international hit that is ready to break all the records in music on the western part of this continent. Soon enough, I'll be signed unto DefJam, Universal Studios, BMI, EMG or better still Konvict Records, and then there'll be some controversy about the deal, which all the media houses in Ghana will pick on. And before you know it, the whole Ghana will be talking about me.

When it comes to dropping an album, the game plan is a little complicated, but I'm still on top of things. For that I may have to represent Ghana on Big Brother Africa. Try not to be the first person to be eliminated; I'll stay on till at least half the time for the duration in the house. At every given chance, I'll rap some of my songs into the mirrors. Through that, I'll make a few links across the continent. Then when I'm evicted, I'll come home and feature Kwaku T, Sammy B and even, yes, even Mimi all on one track. That track will be called the Big Brother Connection. Oh, I have a lot of ways and means to succeed in this game. So you better watch out.

Now the last thing I need to do to top this all off is to develop a slang. Yup. It is very essential in this game. I for go see some one or two people who have perfected the art of acquiring foreign accents locally to tutor me for a few weeks. I'm a fast learner so that won't be a problem. It's a challenge, but if I must survive in this game, this I must do.

I'm currently accepting applications to fill any role imaginable on this career path. Help make my dream come true; by so doing, your dream will come true too.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

the.definition.of.an.artist.

Following this 5Five and DJ Cyndo catastrophe, I've been thinking about how easily we call ourselves artistes when really and truly, there's not a teeny weeny drop of art in us.

As an artist, I expect that you have something to say. Something that will change people's lives and ways of being. Positively. You are not an artist simply because you can string meaningless words together and make them rhyme to some beat. You are an artist because you see the world differently and hope that your perceptions of the world will make life more enjoyable for others. Be it through poetry, music, dance, painting or sculpture. You are an artist because you can shape the way people see things with your artistic ability. As an artist you maintain your originality, as any perversion to your ideals signals your doom.

Contrary to popular belief, you are not there for the chicks or the bling. You are there because your heart sings the passion and the pain of the present and the vision of tomorrow. Don't be fooled when all the girls and guys hype you up because you're the in thing. It's all ephemeral and in no time, you'll find yourself in the middle of nowhere asking yourself questions that you should have asked yourself way before you started your journey into your so-called stardom. Whether you believe me or not, your "reign" will last as long as the rain in harmattan.

Wun.

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

why.5Five.will.never.play.at.my.wedding

Truth be told. I've never been a fan of 5Five. I've always seen them as many of the one hit wonders in our entertainment scene. And I was am right. When their current single dropped, unfortunately, I liked it. I wasn't happy that I liked it. In fact I was more aware of my surprise for liking it, that the fact that it was an enjoyable tune that was to be liked. Naturally, my default setting when it comes to hiplife music is "to be disliked on first hearing". Fortunately, I have whitelisted a few exceptions that disprove the rule, but I'm very wary of those; and 5Five is not on that list. That said, I'm big enough to admit when I'm wrong, when I'm wrong. I was unhappy to admit that 5Five had managed to prove me wrong and work their way to my brownlist (awaiting approval to the whitelist club), with their Move Back track (featuring the one and only Apietus). Imagine my surprise when I heard this track from DJ Cyndo (youtube link below). No matter how slow your internet connection is, I implore you to have a listen.

 







Now check out this viral video oh 5Five's Move Back.







Notice any similarities, correspondence, differences, or variance?

 

After hearing both tracks, a range of possible questions pop up in my mind.

  1. Was there a Sampling?

  2. If there was a Sampling, who is the Samplee and who is the Sampler (who sampled who?)?

  3. Did the Sampler pay dues to the Samplee?

  4. Is the Sampler aware that there is a Samplee around the corner?

  5. What will the Samplee do if they realize that the Samplee has given no credit for the Sampler's hard work.


Sincerely, I want to believe that DJ Cyndo sampled our GH boys. But we all know that when it comes to the average GH hiplife track, they are live on Copy Cat Boulevard. So you be the judge. For me, this is why 5Five and several other hiplife groups will never ever ever play at my wedding!!!

 

Monday, November 1, 2010

dowry.cowry

I don't usually like forwarded messages, but a friend sent me this and I just had to share it with you all. It is a list of the required dowry from the major ethnic groups in Ghana. I am uncertain as to who the author of this magnificent piece is, but I doff off my hat to this person. I have made slight modifications to suit the style of the RebelRyter's Realm.

Just for the record, I am Akuapem, so this list will be added on to the list I so freely furnished in my previous post.

The Gas


  1. 10 pieces of white cloth (to be worn by the lady during pregnancy & for the outdooring)

  2. 20 crates of Star beer (10 for the mother-in-law, 10 for father-in-law)

  3. Albion or Nissan Bluebird car

  4. 4 live pigs (for domedo - a term for grilled/fried pork)

  5. One akasanoma radio (for listening to Obunu 93.3FM)

  6. 2 years advance rent (as you will be staying with your in-laws)

  7. 1 CD compilation of DJ Gblagazaa's Mixx feat Screwface

  8. 1 Pair Trawler

  9. 1 drum of apeteshie - (a locally brewed alcoholic beverage - 100% alcohol). This will be for the purposes of offering libation.

  10. Valid residence preferably in James Town, Mpoase, Mamprobi, Chokor, Teshie, Tsui Bleeoo, Teshie Tiafi-ahe


The Ashanti


  1. Valid visa to Germany/Spain/USA

  2. Shares in Obuasi Goldfields

  3. 1 Store at a Commercial Business District

  4. A degree in "yobbing" (incessant and unnecessary bragging)

  5. DNA Test results to prove lineage to the Asante Kingdom

  6. Middle School Leaving Certificate (standard 7 accepted)

  7. 5 sets of mortar and pestle (for years of fufu pounding)

  8. Cassava & plantain farm (no fufu powder)

  9. Must speak fluent "capo" language

  10. 1 copy of Everyday English

  11. Valid residence in communities such as Abossey Okai, North Kaneshie, Sukura and Russia


The Ewes


  1. 10kg of "atama" snuff (for the father-in-law)

  2. Oversized Tema-station suit (for future growth and expansion)

  3. A Cassava farm

  4. Multi-colored XXXL towel for father-in-law (if he's from the Southern Volta)

  5. 10 pieces of white "Obroni waawu" singlets (for the father in-law)

  6. 8 pieces of multicolored vest (for Mother-in-law). To be used on market days

  7. One stall at Asigame (for mother-in-law)

  8. Connections to work in government agencies preferably post offices and hospitals

  9. 20 sets of neatly wrapped chewing sticks

  10. My First Copy Book (for retired fisherman now turned student

  11. Valid residence preferably in these locations: Madina, Agbogba, Adenta, Haatso, Libya Quarters, Ashaley Botwe


The Kwahus


  1. 3 year valid SUSU Savings/account

  2. Hardware store- dealing in cement, iron rods, paints, roofing sheets etc.

  3. Middle School Leaving Certificate

  4. Ability to sponsor Easter trips back home every year

  5. Valid visa and work permit in Spain preferably apple plantations

  6. One drinking spot

  7. Valid residence in areas such as Dome, Taifa, Kwabenya, Saint Johns etc


The Krobos


  1. 30 packs of GSMF approved condoms (protection sake)

  2. 20 funeral cloths

  3. Ability to perform paternity tests often

  4. One blue kiosk

  5. 45 pieces of mercy soap/cream and ointment

  6. Residence in a compound house


The Akuapems


  1. a Presby Hymn book (Akwiapim Version)

  2. A Bible (Akuapem translation, hard cover)

  3. 2 tubers of yam for (otoh - mashed yam and palm oil meal)


The Fantes


  1. 20 crates of Ovaltine/Tetley tea bags

  2. 50kg of sausage

  3. 77 containers of jam/margarine

  4. 67 crates of ideal milk

  5. 10 boxes of turkey wings

  6. 6 crates of eggs

  7. 1 seagoing canoe

  8. Required High School-Adisadel College & Mfantsipim

  9. Participation in keysoap TV programmes especially Cantata & Concert Party

  10. Connection to work in government agencies such as Post office, Ministries and Newspaper agencies

  11. The man has to prove eligibility to rise up to be a Principal Secretary

  12. Qualifies to live in government bungalow

  13. A side plan (done by the most renowned architect in the country Architect..........) which will always be in his back pockets, to exhibit/show the building plan he will never be able to put up.

  14. Tons of carton of beefi nam for light soup.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

bride.price.fried.rice

Before I go any further to discuss the topic for this blogpost, please be aware that what you are about to read in no way tries to condemn or justify the culture of Bride Prices or Dowries in our traditional marriage ceremony. This post only seeks to discuss into some detail, the constituents of the Bride Price in view of current modern cultures, practices and trends.

Now onto it.

I’m sure most of you have at one point or the other in your lifetime been to a traditional engagement ceremony in Ghana. It doesn’t matter how young or old you are, it is usually along the same lines. A man and a woman date for some time; the man asks the woman to marry her (or the woman coerces the man to ask him to marry her :P); they agree to be with each other forever and then comes the Knocking Ceremony. As the name implies, it involves the man knocking at the door of the lady’s home, then being invited in by the bride's family. The man’s entrance is usually with singing, drumming or dancing (sometimes all of the above). Him, his abusuafoÉ” (family: nuclear and extended) and friends come in bearing gifts of all forms, sizes and shapes - the Bride Price - in a colourful display. It’s very fascinating really. The elements of this gift package include, her dowry, a Bible, the engagement ring, yards of fabric, underwear for the lady, a suitcase (portmanteau) jewellery, a goat, a cow, a car (in some extreme cases), among other things. Some families prefer to give out a list and from what I’ve heard, this is the subject of many a debate, both internally and externally. It is very likely that if the potential mother/father-in-law approves of it, the potential son-in-law will disapprove of it. And so on, and so forth. Sometimes, the engagement ceremony is put on ice until some amicable agreement is achieved.
Let's milk the cow dry, shall we?

 

 

But I'm no expert in tradition, so I won't go any further down this road. My case is very simple. If in 1945 owning a full piece of Printex wax meant the world to you, in the year 2010, a full piece of Printex wax print pales in comparison to a 60 inch Plasma television! All in favour say "Aye aye Captain Rebel".

What in goodness name am I going to do with bails of Printex or GTP fabric? Perhaps if I had a shop in Makola, that would be ideal. But I'm not, so go figure! I like tradition, don’t get me wrong. I admire the thought that went behind the action back in the 1700s. Note: Pass tense. You do realize that these traditions were based on the customs of the era in which they were created, and back then, there was nothing like High Definition Television!!! I dey lie?

So I am making a decree, right here, right now on this World Wide Web. This decree goes out to enlighten any man out there who may dare to marry me, that he’s not going to get away easily with a few pieces of cloth and a portmanteau. No no no. I'm a modern girl (anybody know the equivalent of 90's girl in the 2000s?) as such, I have modernized my traditions, with modern items in my modern engagement list. As such modern items such as the full range of all of Apple’s products; I’m talking iPhones, iPads, iPods, Macbooks, iMacs, and whichever Apple product may have emerged; a 60-inch HDTV; designer watches (emphasis on “watches”); 12 sets of pants suits, some artwork from a famous painter (preferably a dead one), a complete gym set to maintain my figure after having our children and several others. I could go on until eternity. I want practical items, things that apply to my life in the year 2010. I don’t want to do things for the sake of tradition. The tradition must be applicable. We must evolve our traditions and in effect our bride price! Is that too much to ask? I don’t drink schnapps; nor does any other member of my family. So it would be prudent of you to bring in a bottle of Alize or Chardonnay or something like that. Forget about the old stuff. It’s absolutely useless! What am I going to do with unending yards of cloth? I might make a series of bed sheets out of them. That’s all their good for (from the Rebel's perspective, that is).

 

If traditions are based on the lifestyles of people, and we both agree that society evolves, why don’t our traditions evolve with the evolving society? Why do we stick to irrelevant customs made for people who have been dead for years now? Someone tell me why. If you think of a good reason, please let me know. I’m counting on you.